Afraid. Full of fear. Like, your breath is stuck in your lungs, your heart in your throat. Palms are sweaty, mind is racing. And now your heart is pounding in your chest like an explosion. Ya gotta pee for the Nth time and hiding sounds really inviting.
Yeah. That kind of AFRAID.
Ever been there? I think most of can relate to that overwhelming feeling of FEAR.
At this time, I find myself in this exact space. I feel particularly fearful about something I just know I have to do. It’s for my highest and best. Which always benefits the Collective. But the thought of doing it… whew, I think I gotta pee. Again. Be right back!
But then I read this particular passage in the Bible – I follow the life of Jesus. (I think he gave us a damn fine example of how to live life to the fullest, so I sift through the man-made tradition and fear-based dogma to find the nuggets of Truth.) – and I was encouraged.
Matthew 28: Mary and Mary Magdalene left the empty tomb AFRAID BUT FILLED WITH JOY.
Hmmmmm. Afraid but filled with joy.
Later in the passage, others are described as feeling afraid: the disciples, the governor, the guards. Seems EVERYONE was afraid… the difference among them all is that the two women were also filled with joy.
Afraid… but filled with joy.
Joy: great pleasure, happiness, bliss
It occurred to me that maybe I don’t need to fight being afraid. Perhaps this fear just is and I can LET IT BE (thank you, Mother Mary.) Allowing it to be may reserve my energies, time, and efforts for other endeavors. Like, doing the something I’m resisting.
Instead of waiting for the fear to go away, rather than try to not be afraid, I can allow the fear to exist. Right there. Without judgment. Right here. Without shame. Sometimes, perhaps, fear is part of our human experience. Could it be that being afraid is part of the journey? Not a good part or a bad part. An emotion that we all find ourselves in the midst of on occasion. And so, we sigh. We breathe. We acknowledge the difficulty of it.
But we press on.
Winston Churchill – if you’re going through hell, keep going.
Feel the fear. It’s real. Because life is real.
But it doesn’t have to be your Truth. Your Guide.
Why were the two women filled with joy? Maybe they knew the Truth that being afraid wasn’t the whole picture. There was also the opportunity to feel joy in the midst of the hard stuff of life.
You can decide to acknowledge your fear – yup, damn afraid – but also be filled with JOY. Like, hot-diggity and pass the mustard, I’m on my way to do that one thing that scares me.
So, I’m going to finally just do it. Next month is my birthday. I have felt the nudge by my Guide to post daily on media platforms. For someone like myself who is intensely private and overwhelmingly fearful of rejection, this is FREAKING SCARY. I am so afraid. But I am also choosing to be filled with joy.
The two women in the Biblical story were given a message and then directed to go and share it. They chose, despite the fear, to live their lives with joy.
Me too. This may be my best birthday month ever.
Need a listening ear? Guidance? Perspective? I’d be honored to walk beside you.
Much love & hope,