May 14th, birthday gratitude entry:
Him: What do you hope for this new venture?
Me: I envision that I get asked to be a speaker at various venues – how else am I going to practice for sitting across from Oprah on Super Soul Sunday?!?
Him: I LOVE THIS!!!
Gary White, webmaster extraordinaire and super duper encourager, contains more excitement and vision in his big toe than most people I’ve ever met. But I run ahead… back up about a year.
I’m sitting on the shores of a beautiful California beach. The sun is warming my shoulders, the sand is stuck between my toes, and I hear the waves lap up and fold back. Heaven, man, freaking heaven.
Epiphany: I’m trying to “rule and regulate” myself into a friendship with myself… I’m attempting to hate into a relationship of love… I’m exhausted, it’s not working… Plan B pleeeeeease. Revelation: Love self first, the love for others will follow, the vibe of the world will radically change.
It would seem that the Truth of loving yourself would be a no-brainer. This was not my case, however. Loving my-self was totally new news and new news that I held at bay for fear of being considered selfish. Which, of course, I would be. Self-ish. Love self-ish. In a world where I built my esteem around nurturing others at the expense of taking care of me, the prospect of healing through nurturing me was just goddamn scary.
And yet, there on the shores, it became perfectly clear that loving self first was exactly the path through… the way out was through coming into a love relationship with my own self.
Anyway, I could blog for eleven years about this one topic and this is not the focus of today’s gratitude so I’ll get back to it.
Enter Gary. I put a vibe out into the Universe that I wanted to put together some programs that would help others on their journey. I’d learned some stuff (triumphed through self-loathing, suicidal thought patterns, disordered eating, deep anxiety) that I wanted to turn around and offer to others. It’s my thang: I learn; I teach. We all grow.
When I unpacked my backstory to him, Gary took a deep breath and said, “The world needs this info! I want to help you because so many can find their way out of the pit, the dark, with your direction, the light that you shine.” (I think he may be my biggest fan. Really, in nine months, he has yet to stop with the whole rah-rah-you’re-the-shits thing.)
But, and this is what I totally dig about the guy, he goes on to unpack HIS backstory… with an unpretentiousness that snagged me within the first paragraph. God, I loooooove people’s stories! He and I have spent hours sharing, laughing, sighing, gleaning. Stories are powerful healing tools, aren’t they? Just. So. YUM.
Summing up my adoration for this soul is a challenge because I could veer in many directions. At the core, it’s this: humility and a desire for others to be on their journey of revelation, remembering, healing, empowerment. Aaaaaand his love in the form of patience and faith for his children causes my heart to skip a beat. Mind. Blown. Thank you, Universe, for letting me meet this guy.
I dig Alanis’ song about learning, growing, becoming through all the different things we experience – through our living! You cry, you learn; you laugh, you learn; you lose, you learn. And freaking amen.
Do we recognize, O Sacred Ones, our incredible potential for encouraging one another? To encourage – to pour courage into – to remind others of their divinity, unique awesomeness, their innate power, purpose, potential. There is vast – chasmic!! – healing in just plain ol’ encouragement.
I’ve come to this: WE DON’T NEED FIXING. My Loves, we are not broken. We have only forgotten our mission, our meaning, our amazing-ness. Within our Tribe and our Clan, we can gently firmly remind each other with and without words. We have opportunity to BE our powerful selves, and thereby entice and encourage others to BE as well.
But, and I believe this with my whole heart-mind-body, we must first LOVE our own SELF for then we will – with purity and clear vision, no strings attached, no expectations – flow in LOVE for OTHERS. And in this vibration of safe secure, we all will heal. We will wake up and remember. We will rise up and become. Humanity will again become One.
And this is exactly what I plan on telling Oprah.
Gary, my Bro, I love you.
You. Complete. Me.
Much love & hope,