I am learning to be “all in” but without expectations.
About ten years ago, I had an epiphany that changed the trajectory of my whole life. Does this sound dramatic? Well, I don’t mean it to… it’s just that I found myself in a loop of disappointment.
One disappointment after another after another… I began to feel my bracing itself for the next big fat kick in the face. It was no way to live and certainly not possible to thrive.
The epiphany?
HAVE NO EXPECTATIONS. Preferences, yes. But not expectations. These expectations are what were leading me down the road of endless disappointment. If I could surrender expecting a certain outcomes and retrain my brain to hold loosely to preferences, then perhaps my life of disappointment would ebb its way into a life of flow, gratitude, and ease.
My intention has been to remain ALL IN, invested all the way – to release all expectations – while simultaneously remaining completely invested.
Example: I love my sister. I am completely invested in my love for her and in my intention to hold safe, patient, honest space for her on her journey. I have a preference that she will someday want a relationship with me, that she would heal from her deep heartache and be open to communicating. I do not hold an expectation that this will happen, however. And so I can gently flow with whatever unfolds in our journey. I don’t put parameters on her that she needs to act a certain way for me to love her nor do I hold a bar which says, “act like this so I can be happy.” I choose to be in JOY regardless of her behavior.
Yes, completely invested in my love for her and my desire that she heal, but unattached to whether that happens. I choose JOY in the midst of whatever happens.
Easy peasy, right? Uhm, no.
I’ve had to untie quite a few knots within my thinking that attached my happiness and self-worth to another’s behavior and circumstances outside of myself. Such disempowered ground to try to stand upon! Eeeeek, talk about giving away my power to something outside of myself. No power there.
There’s freedom for her and freedom for me. Others don’t have to act a certain way for me to thrive and the world doesn’t have to meet with my approval for me to laugh, be at peace, and feel grounded.
The keys to my joy are found in my own pocket, thank you.
So, remaining unattached while totally invested, I find myself not manipulating, trying to control, over-thinking, or people-pleasing. (These are exhausting energies!) I am free to flow, to allow, to receive, to be curious and compassionate and courageous with what is.
I allow what is. And I believe that it is exactly what’s supposed to be happening. It’s NOT passivity. I’m totally invested. But I hold loosely to the outcome.
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With gratitude for you and our journey together, and here’s a hug…
Lisa xxx
EnergieGal 