Couldn’t sleep last night.
So, a bit after midnight, I took my pillow and pink blankie and headed downstairs. FurButt Gia was sacked out on the couch but moved over enough to give me room to snuggle on one end and then drifted back to her dreamland.
I opened up the sliding window just a tad, enough to feel the cool air and hear the peepers. Nature always has a way of grounding me.
I felt good. Just… awake.
When the alarm buzzed at 5, I was still hanging out. Awake. Gia was awake by then too and we got up and went for our morning walk around the block.
I met with a couple of clients today. This blessed me.
I answered some emails, some texts, and this FB response…
“Your life sounds too good to be true.”
I sat with this for awhile.
My life IS good.
This IS true.
Here is my response:
I’m not one to sugarcoat shit. A turd is not a tootsie roll.
But I count it ALL joy… so, even when I’m unpacking the times in my life in which there’s been alotta manure, ima looking for the pony.
There have been so many wonderful moments, laughter, hugs… and there have been many sad times too.
My mom died when I was pregnant with my third. None of my children ever met her. I think they’d have liked each other. ❤
Three of my children were diagnosed with autistic spectrum. This was a big damn deal and an enormous journey for our family. Best lessons of my life came through these unique souls.
Hubs worked 60+ hours every single week of our marriage. Every single week of our marriage. I was alone a lot. When he got home, I flew to my job. We single-parented to the best of our abilities. Bathrooms were cleaned regularly, but we ate a whole lotta chicken nuggs and mac-n-cheese during those years.
I struggled in anorexia. But not alone. Hubs was a constant companion and ever-present Love. We wandered our way through to the other side.
Each of my five children have had their own difficult aspects of their journeys. And this has been the hardest, perhaps, for me.
Best. Life. Ever.
Too good to be true?
And yet, it IS true.
Because when I unpack my life stories, I count them ALL joy… laughing at the kids’ jokes and joining them in card games; holding Hubs when the plant closed and we weren’t sure how we were going to make ends meet; those days when the boys’ autism was especially difficult and I felt overwhelmed and alone; when I was just really sick of chick nuggs and mac/cheese but didn’t have the energy to make anything different…. ALL JOY.
And I’ve gotten to thinking….
What if there’s just experiences…. and we can say that some of these experiences are enjoyable and comfortable and make us giggle and feel all warm and sloshy inside while others are challenging and uncomfortable and make us weep and feel like we can’t breathe…
This would be my life.
Full of amazing, wonderful, difficult, heartbreaking experiences… that shape us. I don’t think any of us get through this life without being gifted the opportunity to experience the full gamut of emotions. It’s just that I stop short of calling the difficult emotions the bad ones… and, perhaps, this has made my life feel good… and, perhaps, why someone commented that my life sounds “too good.”
It is indeed good.
It’s not that only easy-peasy things have happened.
It’s just that I embrace it all as a gift.
As all good.
Today, I am grateful for blessings. I see them. I’m thankful.
Today, I feel my feelings all the way. And move through them.
Today, I keep a sense of humor. Because this greases the wheels.
Today, I believe life is happening FOR me, not TO me.
Life is hard.
This is true.
Yes. I know.
But it’s also good.
Pippi was working in her garden, watering the few straggly flowers with a rusty old watering can. Since the rain was bucketing down that day, Tommy told Pippi he thought it was entirely unnecessary. ‘That’s what you think,’ said Pippi, annoyed. ‘I’ve been lying awake all night, looking forward to getting up and doing the watering, and a little rain isn’t going to stop me, I can tell you!’Pippi Longstocking
A tootsie roll is yummy.
But it won’t fertilize my garden.
I rambled today… thank you for the grace.
I love you all. xx Lisa
PS Today, if you’re in a rough patch, here’s a hug. And a shoulder and some ears. However I can help, I’m here. ❤