Be still and know.Psalm 46:10
I had been in business for 28 years, 7 at this particular location, when I felt it was time to close my doors. Though I had a full week of clients and loved each and every one so very much, I “felt” some big change coming… I would say to Husband, “Something seismic is coming… it’s big, super big, Hon.” I wasn’t sure what it was, who it was for, nor was I able to wrap my head around the WHYs. I just knew in my guts, that place where I hear the Still Small Voice of God that is Love that is Source that is Light and Way and Grace and Hope, that it was time to go.
Something big is coming. Big change. Time to BE STILL.Love’s Voice Within
On October 31, 2019, I handed in the keys to the studio I was renting. The last thing to come down at the office was a plaque on which the words BE STILL are painted. I drove home, popped out of the car, and hung the plaque on my side door. I figured it would be a reminder of “words to live by in this next season” every time I come in and out this door, which is only about 25 times daily.
BE STILL.Plaque, on door
On November 4, 2019, I sat around in great curiosity and not a little boredom… used to working 40 plus hours weekly, this was big change for me. I thought I would love it.
I did not, in fact, love it.
I missed my friends. My clients were not a paycheck; they were my family. They were who I spent my minutes and hours and days with, laughing and crying, hoping and sighing. We shared secrets, sweated, dreamed, practiced forgiveness and learned so much about real, raw, vulnerable living with each other. It was among these precious souls that I realized that everyone has a story, and that pain and disappointment and suffering is universal… but so too is healing and mercy and faith. I learned that we are all a part of each other’s transformation… and that when something lovely happens to another, it is happening to me so there’s no need to be jealous or feel like I missed out; likewise, I began to realize that when something cruel or difficult happens to another, it affects me too. We are not separate beings, after all. We are One. United. Whether we realize, remember, or acknowledge this: we are in this together.
I learned to see others through my heart and, in doing so, saw their True Beauty. Slowly, I began to see myself this way too. We are all Magnificence Incarnate.
Fast forward to March 2020, and the “seismic something coming” began to make itself known to the world. It has ended up being way bigger than I could have imagined…
Fast forward to January 2022, and something happened yesterday that snagged my attention. Plaque fell down off door, hook and all. There it lay, on the carpet, screaming at me. I froze. What just happened? I have been used to Plaque reminding me of my “job” during this season… and now, of its own accord, Plaque has removed itself from its perch.
BE STILL.Plaque, from carpet on floor by door
Husband picked up Plaque and tossed it on table by carpet on floor by door. (Clearly, Husband is not nearly as attached to the messages from God as I am. And thank God for that! This relationship has room for only one of me, thankyouverymuch.)
As I sat with God this morning for my usual time of prayer, I asked about this season of stillness, of quiet searching, of being-not-doing.
Am I done BEING STILL?Me, holding Plaque and wondering whether to rehang on door or find new perch
I feel like Love nudged me to be curious about why I was led to a time of BEING STILL in the first place… and I think it was a combination of busy-ness, striving, trying, figuring out, fixing, and fast pace existing… which had served its purpose in my life… to be surrendered… for another vibration to become a part of me… the opportunity for stillness, mindfulness, breathing, seeking, allowing, and slow down experiencing was manifesting for me to choose to embrace.
As much as time seems to have sped up all around us, I find myself having slowed way down. I have chosen to slip quietly into this new space, this very different vibration where the birds sound louder, the rain smells sweeter, and cookies have no calories. I find myself living outside of the news, and in a space where Kindness matters, graying hair is beautiful, Wisdom is revered, Souls are seen, stories are heard, laughter is healing, and eating together around the table is not just for special occasions.
Because every day is a special occasion.
BEING STILL is not something I do now. It is a way I live and move and breathe and have my being. IN STILLNESS. I am not being quiet. I AM quiet. I AM stillness. I AM breath. I AM. I AM.
BE STILL.Plaque, on wall beside door
These past couple of years have been among the hardest of my life, as I have been encouraged by Love to surrender all that no longer serves me as I enter into a new season. I am thankful to Husband for the thousandsssssss of conversations we’ve had about “what am I supposed to be doing?” as both he and God waited for me to finally – finally – accept where I was, surrender all that I thought essential and identifying, and be led to Peace.
I AM STILL.Me ❤