BAM

Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.

Brene Brown

Yesterday, a client had to reschedule. Already at the office, I meandered out front to talk with a co-worker and friend, Jeff. It’s always such good, deep conversation between us and brings me such joy. Energetically, when we’re together, it’s like BAM. Always been this way. Such a blessing.

I unpacked for him an idea I have had for hosting a podcast, but was unsure who to interview first. Should it be Bestie? Sister? Fellow energy-healers? Semi-famous book authors?

“You. I think your first interview should be you.”

(Oh. Hell. No.)

“Yes, I’m thinking interview yourself. You gotta put yourself out there, let people know who you are, that you’re safe space, and what your heart is all about with this podcast.”

(Still. No.)

“I’m sensing some resistance. What’s up? Why don’t you want to take the mike and unpack your own story first?”

Wringing hands, pacing. “Well, I don’t want people to think I’m all about myself… like, I don’t want to come across as pretentious or self-absorbed… the idea of putting myself out there without anyone else beside me, well, it feels so me-me-me! Nope, I just can’t do it, Bro.”

“You think that by ‘interviewing yourself first’ that people will think badly of you?”

Sighing, “I really do.” 😦

I have found in my research that the reason people are not more self-compassionate is that they are afraid they will become self-indulgent. They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be.

Dr. Kristin Niff

“Well, there’s your problem right there… you’re a light and you’re meant to shine. Ya gotta get out there and just fucking do it… be yourself.”

As I’ve previously shared, I am a recovering People-Pleaser. As someone who has always been ultra-freakin’-sensitive to energies around me, I can pick up on what others want me to say, to do, to feel, to opine… and, to keep the peace — which I’m learning is WAY different than making Peace, but I tangent — I would give the people what they want… leaving me Not Being Me. Repeatedly. Over and over again. Continuously. Habitually. To the point where I was NBM for so long that I forgot who I AM.

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I’m on that journey now… allowing all that is not me to dissolve, melt away, be chipped off, allowed to move, be processed… kind of like Michaelangelo working on that big slab of marble… allowing all that was not David to be chipped away… until only Magnificence remained.

(Did I just compare myself with David?) :-0

Jeff had a point. Scary as it was, the consideration that I could interview myself as my first guest was intriguing and begged some quiet soul-searching. He concluded, shrugged, “Lisa, haters gonna hate. You go be you.”

(Indeed. And let me not be among those who hate me. Oh, God, that I would swim and splash and play in the deep waters of self-acceptance… self-compassion… shine without apology… allow vulnerability, authenticity… because THIS is where the magic happens, THIS is where the healing begins and transformation occurs, and THIS is where I want Story-Teller and Listener to meet on my podcast.)

BAM.

The remainder of the afternoon, he and I created a brilliant video about my upcoming podcast and had a magical time together. Like I said, BAM.

As it turns out, I do not feel led to be my first guest. After prayer and deliberation, breathwork and checking in with my body, I know who will be my first guest: Husband. More specifically, he and I together at the mike. It feels right and I’m super jazzed to get this project in motion. ❤

There’s something liberating about not pretending. Dare to embarrass yourself. Risk.

Drew Barrymore

(BAM.)