The Hungry Caterpillar

So… you find yourself not quite “there” and you’re doubting… you’re doubting yourself, your destiny, your purpose, your whole damn existence. Maybe you feel like other people are doubting you too.

But what if you’re not lost? What if you haven’t screwed it up beyond all recognition? What if you’re just a smooshy thing in a cocoon?

In the words of Oldest Son, “patience, young grasshopper.” (I have five children and each is super duper delicious but Oldest Son is also Old Soul. Yay, me!)

One of my favorite books is The Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle. Know it? The caterpillar goes around, eating and eating and eating… until it curls up into a cocoon and eventually emerges as a butterfly.

Maybe, just maybe, all those foods that the caterpillar is munching are its life experiences… to be processed, in his guts, down into his real being… creating – over time – a brand new Being.

My observations and musings:

  1. Is it really a brand new being, though? Does the butterfly retain all the thoughts, feelings, emotions of the caterpillar? Can the butterfly remember being the caterpillar? (Welcome to my brain…)
  2. The caterpillar eventually gets plump enough on all its “food” AKA life experiences, and crawls itself into a cocoon to rest, process, and transform… and we see this respite, tucked in, as a good and necessary part of the caterpillar’s journey towards becoming… a butterfly. 
  3. We know to leave the not-a-caterpillar-but-not-a-butterfly being… oh, that in-between-being… alone. Too much help is not helpful. We must allow it… we must give it permission to make its way out when it’s ready… and then patiently await its perching while it dries its wings and prepares to fly. Allow. Be patient. Encourage. Believe.
  4. Many of us enjoy butterflies… we think of them as beautiful. But the way there, to butterfly-ville, is filled with munching so much “food” AKA life experiences, and crawling-tucking-waiting… in a mushy, squooshy state… until just the right time (not too early, not too late… it knows, it knows) to emerge. New. But still tender. In need of patience. Encouragement.

I see through the eyes of my heart all of us as caterpillars… munching away, butterflies in potentiality… 

So, to me, all the life experiences are food for us… the good, the bad, and the ugly of our lives… all fuel for the great transformational potential that exists in each and every one of us.

What do we need to find our way from plump caterpillar to flitting butterfly?

  1. Patience… with each other and with ourselves.
  2. Encouragement… time in the cocoon can be difficult. We’re all smooshy and unrecognizable… let us not rush to judgment based upon the in between seasons of our becoming.
  3. Vision… to believe in ourselves, in each other… caterpillar or smooshy in between thing, we each are butterflies at heart. This is our destiny!

Very often, I remind my clients that we are all in process, on a journey, and becoming. Be curious about your experiences; be compassionate with yourself on the way; be courageous to feel, be honest, and allow yourself to become.

THERE ARE NO BUTTERFLIES WITHOUT THE SMOOSHY THING IN THE COCOON.

Wherever you are, whichever season of life you find yourself in today… remember who you are. 

You are a freakin’ butterfly. 

Patience, “young grasshopper.” You’re not done becoming yet. 

  1. Eat up those life’s experiences. 
  2. Process them. Cocoon time, baby. Messy, squooshy, sometimes lonely. 
  3. Emerge. Tenderly, with great self-care. And patience. And hope.
  4. When you’re ready, fly.

Most often, my clients come to me somewhere along the journey, having forgotten their destiny. It is a blessing and true pleasure to remind them.

YOU ARE A MIRACLE.

I love you.

Hugs,

Lisa

Holistic Wellness & Empowerment Coaching

Lesson No. 7,358

WORTHY OF SUCCEEDING

Chewed up a trail run race today with Bestie. She kicked my hind end and encouraged me the whole way. Could I be more fortunate?

I’m glad for her encouragement because the voices in my head were having a bit of a pow-wow. The loudest went something like this:

“Who do I think I am? I’m not built for this. I will inevitably fail, disappointing myself and others. I should slow down… give up trying to go fast… stop dreaming about being proud of myself…. Gah, who do I think I am?”

I could hear my feet hit the ground, feel my heart pounding in my chest. My throat ached from pulling in the cool air. I was sprinting the whole race. 

I wanted to give up.

Give in.

Maybe that voice was right… who did I think I was?

Besides, how could I be so selfish as to want to experience triumph?

Shouldn’t I want others to win? How could I be so self-absorbed?

Indeed… who did I think I was?

And then.

Another voice, louder but very calm, self-assured: I AM A MIRACLE.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 

Marianne Williamson

Wow!

Who am I NOT to run, dream, hope, and cross the finish line leaving every single bit of me on that course? Who am I NOT to train and sweat and give it my all? Who am I NOT to leave it all out there and be so damn proud of myself, regardless of podium-status… Who am I NOT to shine and manifest the glory of God?

I AM A MIRACLE.

I am a child of God.

I am not here to play small, shame myself, walk on eggshells, or shrink so that others don’t feel bad about themselves because I kicked butt.

I AM A MIRACLE.

I am a child of God.

I am meant to shine.

At the urging of my Bestie, I sprinted those last few yards to the finish line. “Lisa, do not hold yourself back… beat me to the finish!” (She may have actually said something like “beat my ass to the finish” but I digress…) 😉

Reviewing this race, I have realized something.

I was not afraid of FAILING so much as I was afraid of SUCCEEDING. 

Succeeding… running as quickly as I could, hoping-dreaming-believing for a fantastic race,  crossing that finish line having given it every single morsel of energy… to me, succeeding meant I was amazing, not selfish. Brilliant and shiny and, yes, miraculous!

For I dared to dream.

I dared to hope and hold space.

I dared to believe that I am worthy of giving it my all.

I am worthy to hope and hold space for my dreams.

And fall short of them, perhaps.

But dream, nonetheless. 

Go for it.

Roar.

Spread my wings and try to fly.

Even if my feet barely left the ground.

So what.

I swung at the ball, baby.

I swung!

(omg, the number of metaphors this girl uses…. eye-roll)  😉

I am starting to understand that my playing small doesn’t serve anyone, not me and not you. And not the Collective.

My shining with all my bright miraculous amazing-ness does not subtract from you one bit. 

Your shining with all of your bright miraculous amazing-ness does not diminish my Light one little ray. 

Your succeeding fans the flame in me.

My succeeding fans the flame in you.

Together, we can encourage one another to shine, to be our brilliant miraculous selves. Because sometimes, we forget. Sometimes, we need reminding that we are children of God, born to make manifest the glory of Love.

So, my friend, for the sake of all of us… remember who you are. 

YOU ARE A MIRACLE.

Today, I have remembered… I was born for this. 

And so were you.

Own your glory.

Own your brilliance.

Shine, baby, shine.

WE ARE MIRACLES.

Contrary to popular thinking, being worthy isn’t something you earn, it’s something you recognize.

Mike Dooley

Amen.

Hugs,

Lisa

Holistic Wellness & Empowerment Coaching

THE GIFT OF REJECTION

Two roads diverged… so I stopped lying.

Two roads diverged in a wood… and I, I took the one less traveled by. And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

I have a confession to make. Though I do not consider myself an easily intimidated person, I am – gulp – well, truth is, I am afraid of being rejected. There, I’ve said it. I’ve admitted that being rejected ranks up there among my biggest fears.

And this is a problem. You see, if I base my interactions with people upon whether or not I will be rejected… then I am not being honest. I am not being my truest self. I am being who I think they will accept. I am molding myself around what I think they would want me to be, say, act, believe… and this makes me a LIAR.

And who wants to be a liar? or with a liar?

No, me neither.

I understand that I came to the mindset early on in my life that my job was to make sure the people around me were pleased with me, that I didn’t rock the boat or start a line of questioning that would upset the apple cart. And so, I learned that to be loved and to be perceived as lovable, I had to be someone other than myself. I had to act however was necessary for those around me to feel comfortable, satisfied, in control.

So I lied.

Authenticity is when you say and do the things you actually believe.

Simon Sinek

Fast forward a few decades… and I am learning about who I am and am not, and daring to be brave, set boundaries, and be true to myself. Even when this truth is uncomfortable or upsetting to those around me.

And it hasn’t been an easy path to take. Why? Well, if you’ve ever been rejected – and we all have – you know that rejection hurts.

Rejection is more than skin deep. It activates the same areas of our brain as physical pain. To be rejected is to feel physical pain. Rejection causes emotional pain too: hurts our self-esteem, causes anger or sadness, and knocks us off course from feeling stability in our lives.

When rejected, we have choices. At least two, maybe more. But we have choices. We do not have to retreat into ourselves or pull back from the group. We can stay, continue to stand our ground, hold our opinion. We can choose to continue to post on social media, converse with others, believe in ourselves.

Or we can believe that being rejected means there’s something wrong with us. That we have to change. And while it may be the case that our behavior needs changing, those who lovingly correct us, bring us to our knees, are going to stick around and gently encourage us to our feet. They’ll hold space for us while we ponder. They’ll be open to conversation with us while we question. They’ll cheer for us while we process feelings and emotions and come through on the other side of transformation. They will be our biggest fans. Throughout this whole choosing the road-less-traveled of authenticity, they will be the ones whispering, shouting, reminding us, “You are perfect! You are divine! You are light and love and everything wonderful! Wake the frick up and remember who you are!”

Rejection isn’t failure. Failure is giving up. Everyone gets rejected. It’s how you handle it that determines where you’ll end up.

Richard Castle

There’s a tiny voice inside my head that says, “hey, you better not post on social media or share your story or be seen… because what if they don’t like you? what if you get a thumbs down or a mean comment or just plain ignored? what if you get rejected?” I know now that it’s trying to protect me from getting hurt. And I appreciate that. But I don’t need protection in that way anymore. There was a time when not being seen kept me safe… but I don’t live in that space anymore. It is safe for me to come out and play. 🙂

Rejection is redirection.

Phil Good

And when I do “get rejected,” I can choose to embrace this message as one of redirection. I am still the same worthy and lovable soul, but there’s opportunity upon me to head in a little different direction. Take yet another road-less-traveled. With an open heart and open mind, I can choose to stand, to look up, be curious, and remain compassionate towards all of us on the journey. I can allow the fear of rejection to be there until its time to dissolve. It’s a former protector turned messenger. I can choose to keep on the experience of remembering who I am and always have been, to keep on loving myself, to keep on loving others, and to keep on remaining amazed at this gift of life.

Authenticity is about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.

Brene Brown

I love you. Welcome home.

Be fearlessly authentic. Bravely be you.

How about you? Can you recall a time when you felt rejected? How did you react? What were your thoughts? How would you do things differently now?

As an Holistic Wellness and Empowerment Coach, I am here to guide you every step of the way on your journey. Appointments available here.

Hugs.

P.S. Check out my Wildflowers On The Path journal series, 30-day prompted journal, Self-Love For The Modern Mystic… an exploration of Love and the empowerment of Self-Love for sale here. 🙂

Boundaries

How finding your edges is your path to FREEDOM.

I am an empath. This means that I feel others’ stuff. I feel it like it’s my own. I feel their pain; I feel their joy; I feel their anger; I feel their heartache. I feel their stomachache; I feel their anxiety; I feel their panic attack.

The space between me and another is hard for me to understand. As such, finding where I end and another begins has been a lifelong challenge for me. Where the heck are my boundaries?

(And it’s not just we empaths who struggle to find their edges. Those who have experienced situations which result in trauma do as well. For these individuals, an initial denial and repeated denial of feeling their real emotions causes a disconnect in mind and body, thereby producing difficulties with making beneficial boundaries.)

Everything I experience hits me deep, raw, and intense. As an empath, I feel the energy of myself and others. As I age, this ability only grows deeper and stranger.

Sebastian McNutt III

Yep. Just turned 56 and this describes me to the tee. As such, doing my best to feel into my boundaries and then lay them down is challenging. Hard but vital. Vital for the sake of my relationship with myself and my relationships with others.

When people set boundaries with you, it is their attempt to continue to relationship with you. It’s not an attempt to hurt you.

Elizabeth Earnshaw

Because I am so sensitive, there’s been this underlying guilt for drawing a line in the sand between myself and others. Like, if I loved them unconditionally, I wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t say, “this is me and this is you and you stay over there and I’ll maintain my energies over here.” Like, only somewhat hateful and selfish would do something like that, right? ;-/

As empaths, we are not here to be sponges or enablers. We are here to be helpers, guides, and supporters.

Aletheia Luna

It dawned within me that creating boundaries was supportive of both my journey and others’ journeys, and that finding my space and kindly protecting it was enabling others to do the same. I allowed myself to entertain the thought of being both compassionate and curious about where I end and another begins… and then gave myself permission to create a safe space between us — call it a boundary — where we may meet. Kinda like a fence over which two neighbors meet over their morning cup of joe, conversing about the latest goings-on around town.

Honoring another means allowing them to let you know where you are allowed to meet them… and then meeting them there.

Lisa Augustine Glasier

During a coaching session, my client and I were discussing boundaries. She too had experienced a distaste for them, believing that boundaries were for bitches… or for those too selfish to share themselves. Upon asking her what a boundary would look like to her, she shrugged.

Her: “I would have no idea… a blazing fire, perhaps? so high that another couldn’t get close enough to hurt me? or maybe a wall, so high that another couldn’t scale it and surprise me?”

Me: “Possibly. Someone with this boundary must be awfully afraid that she was at risk of being hurt, would you agree?”

Her: “Yes. But don’t boundaries have to keep the bad guys out?”

Me: “This is one perspective. Boundaries are for our safety. Sure. But boundaries can serve another purpose as well. They could let others know how we prefer to be treated. Less active protection, aggressive and assuming the others have ill intentions, and more teaching, open-hearted and open-minded. Kinda like, I am here to let you know that I am open to a conversation, but only in this space here. And I want you to feel at ease at my borders.”

Her: “Hmmmm. Less fending off and fencing off… and more directing and educational… kinda like a map. Here’s where you are and here’s where I am. I’m not pissed off at you when I tell you that this is my space and you’re not allowed in or on it until I give you permission. I’m just informing you that this is where I feel most comfortable to engage with you.”

Me: “Exactly.”

Her: “This feels better to me. My body doesn’t feel so defensive.”

Me: “Nice! Question: what would that boundary look like for you now?”

Her: “Uhm, I’m still not sure.”

Me: “That’s okay! May I share what mine looks like to me?”

Her: “Yes, please.”

Me: “Wildflowers. A beautiful array of lovely smelling flowers. Some days, it’s a large field, as far as the eye can see. Not a soul in sight. Those are my more sensitive days. Some days, it’s just a strip, and I can easily see the next person through the bright, happy colors of alfalfa, orchids, and anemone.”

Her: “Oh, I like that!”

Me: “Me too. Makes me feel more peaceful than the large moat and drawbridge I used to contain myself within. I actually feel more safe among my wildflowers than within the castle I’d created.”

Her: “Hmmmm. Lots to ponder.”

Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.

Brene Brown

How about you? Have you ever thought about your edges? others’ edges? How would you describe your boundaries?

As an Holistic Wellness and Empowerment Coach, I am here to guide you every step of the way on your journey. Appointments available here.

Hugs.

P.S. Check out my Wildflowers On The Path journal series, 30-day prompted journal, Self-Love For The Modern Mystic… an exploration of Love and the empowerment of Self-Love for sale here. 🙂

Appreciate Me, Dammit!

I LOVE YOU LIKE COFFEE

Photo by Kevin Menajang from Pexels

The deepest human need is the need to feel appreciated.

William James, Psychologist

We all want to feel appreciated, to some degree or another. Right? Even the most humble and self-assured among us desire even a little bit of attention, affirmation, love. 

How many times have you felt unappreciated? Unloved? Unseen? 

Have you ever had a conversation that goes like this:

You: “You don’t love me.”

Them: “Of course I do!” (bewildered)

You: “Well you sure don’t show it!”

Them: “I vacuumed the whole upstairs yesterday!” (even more bewildered)

You: “But you didn’t hug me!”

Miscommunication.

The problem may not be lack of love.

It may be lack of adequate communication.

I’m expressing my love to you… but you don’t hear me… because you speak a different language of love.

HOW DO YOU LOVE?

Five love languages: (Gary Chapman’s Love Languages)

  • WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
    1. Your coffee is delicious.
  • ACTS OF SERVICE
    1. I made you coffee.
  • GIFTS
    1. Here’s a coffee.
  • QUALITY TIME
    1. Let’s go get coffee.
  • PHYSICAL TOUCH
    1. Let me hold you like a coffee.

Since understanding this concept that each of us receives love differently, I’ve made it a point to find out how the people in my life feel loved by me. Because it is vital for me that the others know that I love them, I strive to become aware of how they receive love.

Everything depends on how we love one another.

Mother Teresa

It was big news for me to come to know that not everyone feels loved in the same way. What a revelation and marriage-saving truth this was for me! Not only have I come to understand the various love languages, but I have come to know better how I myself feel loved, seen, appreciated. It has saved many a relationship when I realize that the other one may very well love me but not speak my language.

MY CHILD FEELS LOVED:

I have a child whose love language is gifts. This is not my love language but once I realized that it is hers, I make sure to leave flowers or a bag of chocolates on her desk in her bedroom. This is how she feels loved.

I FEEL LOVED:

My love language is words of affirmation. I also speak physical touch. You want me to know you love me? Affirm me with words and give me a hug.

People who love each other fully and truly are the happiest people in the world.

Mother Teresa

HOW DO YOU FEEL LOVED?

TakeAway:

  • It’s why we’re here, to love and be loved. To see and be seen. To appreciate and feel appreciated. 
  • Discover which love language is yours.
  • Let others know how to love you best.
  • Discover which love language is theirs.
  • Love them like that.
  • Be patient. Learning new languages takes time.

As an Holistic Wellness and Empowerment Coach, I am here to guide you every step of the way on your journey. Appointments available here.

Hugs.

P.S. Check out my Wildflowers On The Path journal series, 30-day prompted journal, Self-Love For The Modern Mystic… an exploration of Love and the empowerment of Self-Love for sale here. 🙂

This Is Not Forever

Photo by Sebastian Voortman on Pexels.com

Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is that quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”

Mary Anne Radmacher

She came into our first session, “dukes up” and very chatty. Smart, with a pretty smile and happy eyes, she commanded the energies in the space immediately. She was very thin. Painfully thin.

“I know I have disordered eating. Truth is, I’ve had a dysfunctional relationship with food my whole life. Well, pretty much. And, as you are well aware, my difficulties are forever. I mean, like, you don’t ever heal from disordered eating. It’s a forever thing.

You don’t actually ever heal from anorexia or bulimia. It’s a forever thing.

Kay, client (not her real name)

Upon asking her how many therapists, coaches, and doctors she had had as part of her team throughout the years, she replied that there had been many. She had a supportive husband. “But,” she sighed, “as you’re well aware from your journey with anorexia, one never really finds peace with eating. It’s just the way it is.”

Except, this is NOT just the way it is. This was not MY experience.

I HAD HEALED OF ANOREXIA. My mind and my body were reconnected. I no longer dissociated. Certain foods no longer triggered me. Certain people or specific smells no longer triggered an anxiety attack. I WAS EXPERIENCING COMPLETE PEACE OF MIND.

Anorexia is NOT a life sentence. Bulimia is NOT a life sentence.

I would not consider myself someone who is actively anorexic or bulimic or over-exercising. This was my story. But that chapter of the book had ended and I was writing a new section of the book. One which did not feature disordered eating.

Disordered eating is a symptom of a deeper heartache, a way of coping and keeping oneself safe. Dysfunctional relationship with food is not the problem. It is a symptom of a heart that needs love, a mind that needs rewiring, and a body that needs hugging.

Anorexia and bulimia and over-exercise are internal struggles that require patience, compassion, and curiosity. They are messengers.

If you or someone you care about is struggling in the experience of disordered eating or atypical eating, or dysfunctional exercising or body image shame, please know that this is not a forever thing. It doesn’t have to be.

Perhaps the journey is long. Perhaps it’s hard. But there is a beginning, a middle, and an end. There can be an end to the cycle when the messages of the dysfunctional behaviors have been allowed to speak, and when the soul has been allowed to be feel and be held, loved, reassured.

Reconnection is possible. Healthy relationship with self is possible. No more fear surrounding food is possible.

I’m living proof.

If I can be of assistance to you on your journey, please contact me.

You are loved,

Lisa xx